It hit me today that one of the main reasons for my butterflies when I think about going back to work is missing Fiona. As much as I go crazy about staying home with her and not having work as something for me, and having less money, etc., I do have a lot more free time to do things that I enjoy and I get to spend this time with my daughter that i will never get back.
It also occurred to me that her personality could change when I put her in daycare and I don’t want that. I am so in love with this little girl that I have raised that I don’t want anything to change at all. I know it’s irrational to think that way but it’s true. I can’t believe that I am just now coming to this realization either.
I can’t afford to stay home when we get back to the states, and I will have to get OK with that but in the mean time I am going to try and relish every minute I have left as a SAHM. It’s true what they say…you never know what you have until you are faced with losing it.
