So, I’m having a serious pain in the neck. As much as I’d like to say that metaphorically, my neck actually hurts. I’ve been having problems with it since about my second day in the states last month. I feel like a circus performer with all the hoops I’ve had to jump through to get this dealt with.
My doctor ordered x-rays of my neck a little over a week ago and found spasm between my C4-C5 vertebrae as well as compression in my cervical spine. The result? Most days of the week I wake up with a very stiff, sore neck and have major mobility issues. This makes taking care of two small kids significantly more difficult, especially when you add in all of our appointments and crap. I swear we are a military medical team’s worst nightmare. They don’t like people like us clogging up the system.
Which leads me to my next little issue. I’m freaking out. The lady in charge of EFMP reassignments is back from leave on Tuesday and we will be going to see her to discuss our options about leaving Germany. It’s been a very tough choice but Julls and I both agree that it’s what will be best for our family. More and better medical treatment, lots more options for our kids in terms of things to do to keep them active and happy. The possibility of me being able to find gainful employment. What we trade for that is european travel. Feels like a huge sacrifice when we think about how blessed we were to have been given this opportunity to be here. We’d like to come back one day, when we are more equipped to handle an assignment like this one, when we have less needs and more leisure time and energy.
We don’t hate Germany really. I say that as I rant and rave because it’s easier to say than to explain that we don’t hate Germany, we hate this assignment. It’s horrible timing with two young kids that both have special needs and the day-to-day living is just way more difficult than it should be. More hoops, more restrictions and not enough of us to give to make things happen for ourselves as a family unit.
I have no idea how things will play out, or if we will even get approved to move. But talking to this lady will be the first move in the chess game that has become our life. I’m worn out and it’s still only the pregame. All I can do at this point is try to not think too much and hold on for the ride because a lot of what is to come is simply not within my control. I guess the parts I stress about are the ones I CAN control, the choices I DO get to make in this thing. Are they the right ones? How do I know?