So cliché but we’ve all heard it before…life is what you make it. I’m hating it more and more that I’m finding that to be the truth. We’d all like to believe that we are victims of circumstance but the truth is we control so much of what happens to us. We all make our decisions every day. Some small some big but they all end up affecting our lives in some way. Some more so than others.
Which leads me to where we are standing right now. Julls and I are considering applying for a curtailment of our current assignment. We aren’t thrilled to be here for an extra year, I’m having a hard time with some medical ailments that should be much easier, and I worry about the kids and their special needs. Would Felix be better off in a place where more and different care and activities were available to us? Would Fiona get more and better care in a place that doesn’t limit the amount and kind of therapy she needs to get her caught up?
Then there’s me. I’m kind-of forced right now to be a stay at home mom. Daycare is oh so limited and the job market is non-existent. Definitely not the life I chose for myself. There are pluses to it but overall I think its best for everyone when I have work or school or both. I love my kids more than anything and I feel blessed to be able to be there for them but this assignment has been bad for my mental health and so I wonder what if anything they are getting out of being home with me.
So we have a big decision to make, and I think we are going to apply and just see what happens but I still am not sure. I have no idea what’s best for our family and its one of those decisions that can affect our lives indefinitely. I’ve got a Facebook friend that I don’t really know well, only met a few times but she posts scriptures every day and often lately they relate to exactly what I’m feeling and need to hear. I know that sounds like a cliché, like a fortune but I don’t believe in fortunes, I do believe in God. I feel like he’s trying to answer my prayers, trying to get me the message, to lead me down the right path but it’s still not coming through clear.
We don’t have forever to make a decision. I want to make the right one. I guess I’ll just keep on praying for a sign, a message…something…