When we first moved here, I was bored. I went from a full time job while attending college full time to sitting on my bored pregnant lonley ass. At first I enjoyed the break. It had been balls to the wall for as long as I could remember and it was nice to sit, watch my shows online, read, nap, all the thing I wished I could do back in the states.
Then a few weeks in, I got really lonley. I had enough “me” time and wanted friends. Amazingly I made friends and between having Fiona and having friends to see and do things with I stayed pretty darn busy. It made being here alot easier. Then we had the summer festivals, trips home to the states, and everything was great for a while longer.
Then something happened. The first in my group of friends PCS’d due to dire family circumstance. Her family was the one we spent the most time with and our kids were the same age and got along and it was pretty upsetting but I still had my Germany bestie, and my Florida bestie was going to move here! Everything was going to be ok!
Then it happened again, anothe friend got their orders to the next base, then another, and the Florida bestie moved here so all was ok again, but then she left to go back to the states, didn’t like living here and now here I sit, two friends gone, two more on the way out, then my Germany bestie will leave shortly after that.
I’ll still have Kristen and Jen, but I don’t see them as often as I need to socialize to not go insane. I need to get out there and make more friends if I’m going to get through the next year. I used to be so motivated by socializing that I’d do just about anything to get out and go go go, but lately I’ve felt so lazy. As anal as I am about my house I invite people here instead of going out because it seems like such a hassle to have to go anywhere with a baby in tow. I did it with Felix and it didn’t seem like a big deal, I have no idea when I got so lazy.
All I know is that I don’t like this version of me. I feel fat, lazy, and alone, and that’s not how I want to be. I want to get out and exercise with the group of girls I know that goes to the gym or track every day, and I want to feel like part of something, but instead I feel like an outsider.
I know that with the way things change this post could be irrelevant come tomorrow but for right now this is my every day life and something has to change.