Musings…Reflections…Thoughts by TK

My life. My journey. My version. The way I see it.

Is it Spring yet? March 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — thoughtsbytk @ 11:15 am

We’ve had a string of fabulous sunshiny days recently, including today. Now if we can just add a little warmth I’d be in heaven. I love the warm sunny days here. It’s what we spend the 8 crappy gray months looking forward to. It lifts me spirit and gets me wanting to do things again.

We had our favorite local photographer come to the house this morning to take Fiona’s 1yo pictures. My child did not cooperate very well. She’s getting her molars in it looks like so she wanted to chew on her hands non-stop. Doesn’t make for pretty pictures. Also, she’s still got a runny nose. Also doesn’t make for nice pics. I really wish there was something I could do to make her better. She’s been sick with this upper respiratory illness forever it seems.

My friend, Kim, has a fairly amazing husband when it comes to the smarts department. He’s been trying to go officer since he’s been in the military. He’s got a Master’s degree and is basically an overachiever. This can lead to good and bad things but mostly, he’s a great guy and conversations with him dazzle me. He recently went to ALS and graduated with the Levitow award, which is presented to the student with the best overall performance during the 6 week schooling period. He was also up for the Airman of the Year award for our base, and last night, HE WON! Now he will continue on to compete against all of USAFE next month. Kim said they might get us a room at Ramstein to go with them for the awards weekend and we will help take care of the kids during the festivities. Sounds like fun to me! I almost wish we had gone to the awards banquet with them. It would have been a fun night out and we could have been part of their cheering section. With all the ick in the world it fills me with happiness to see good things happen to us and those around us. And also…..

I’m working hard to get out of this rut I’ve been in lately. To be honest I’ve been trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself with all the good things that seem to be happening for everyone. Natalie got blessed with a fabulous house on a nice base close to her family so that she can be there for her mom. Kim is off to Texas where her husband will have a prestigious position as an instructor. I love them and want them to be happy and successful but I often find myself looking at Julls and wondering why he can’t be driven to be successful and want to do more with his life than just “be”.

Dreams and aspirations are good, working towards goals is good. I used to be so proud of him when he had his DJ business and made it successful, now he just seems to go to work and come home and sit in his recliner until he passes out every night. He’s failed his PT test twice and runs the risk of not being allowed to re-enlist and possibly even being asked to leave the military. Then where would we be? Where would that leave me and the kids? Why isn’t he taking care of us? I’m full of insecurities.

I feel better about myself when I’m doing something with my life. Not working and not going to school has become tedious and mind numbing and I’m fairly miserable with it. I know it’s just 17 more months but it’s enough to keep me down about things.

Maybe I shouldn’t have started a blog……I just read a lot of what I wrote and apparently I need a therapist. Sheesh.

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