I attended a 5th birthday party last night. My friend Kim’s daughter, Rachel, was the birthday girl. It was at the bowling alley and thank goodness for that because 8 5-year olds, can be madness. The bowling alley provides dinner and shoes for the little monsters so all you have to do is bring the cake. I’m all about easy.
Anyway, my point is that this birthday party has me thinking about my kids. A lot. I can’t imagine Felix getting older because it makes my heart hurt. I’m not ready for him to have profound thoughts and not think its cool to sit in my lap and cuddle on the couch. Its gone too fast and I’ve tried to ignore that it’s happening but reality slapped me in the face that this summer I’m going to have to have a 5th birthday party of my own for my baby.
Which brings me to Fiona. In just more than 4 short weeks she will turn 1. My feelings about all that are more mixed. She’s made a lot of progress over the past weeks. I’ve got her off the bottle and on a sippy cup. She’s drinking whole milk mixed with her formula until she turns 1 then I’ll just give her the milk. She’s sitting in the high chair and feeding herself a bit. All those things are nice for me, they get to be somewhat less work as they get older….but that’s just the thing…she’s getting older. Then I find myself wondering what I’m going to do when my tiniest baby is going to have a 5th birthday. At this age I can’t imagine it but at this age with Felix I couldn’t imagine it either.
All of this also means I’m getting older. I’ve accomplished a lot of the goals I’ve set for myself. I graduated college (though I’d like to get a Master’s degree still) and I’ve gotten married and had kids and I find myself at 30 years old not having a clue what I want to do next. I do well when I have a project….and now I don’t have a project. I find that I am wanting to sleep in more, and lay around a lot instead of getting the house taken care of, and in general, being a lump.
This is causing me a lot of unhappiness and I don’t know what to do about that. I suppose when I get it figured out I will let you know. Really, until just as I was writing this, I hadn’t thought too hard about it, but something really does need to happen. I need a new project/goal. I suppose a brainstorming session or 10 is in order.